The things in me head

how now?

2009-10-04T01:05:00.000-07:00

yes.. i screw up sometimes. Or maybe most of the time. But there are times when i need you to tell me where i went wrong. Like you, you need someone to show you where you went wrong too. But i dont go blasting my anger at you. I never will. I dont want to. Lecture upon lecture you went on. But when you do something bad you made me stop instantly. It maybe unfair but i dont mind really. I'd rather have the conflict gone straight away and just continue our day peacefully. I hate when things go harsh especially when i am far from where you are now. If am back at home i might just drive over to your place and make you smile again. But its really hard now. I'm totally lost not knowing what to do. I dont really refer to anyone or ask help really when it comes to me and you. I dont want to really. I'd rather just come to you. now i get your point. u say that ive been ignoring your needs. to me tis is serious. when it comes to tis it makes me think too much. it scares me. your're so good at your words. every question i ask you made me ask myself again.maybe im just too much to u.being too boyish for u.never serious.maybe i should just drop out about whatever we planned before this when im done studying.coz i might not be able to handle tat since im not doing so well at giving u all the attention you need.im disappointed at myself now really.i remembered telling you that if i were someone, somebody significant to you ill give you all the attention you'll ever need.but now, you have proved me wrong again. sorry and sincerest apology doesnt seem to work i think coz the lectures keep coming.i dont mind..seriously i dont.at least i know now.....but still i dont know what to do now... all i can say that i'm sorry. i tried to call you. you had your time alone. but its bothering me.. insecurity is eating us both....

My Song For England

2009-06-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

Fabio, Fabio...
You should love Fabio
He may be Italiano
But he cheers My Queeno!!

Wazza is no Gazza,
He's got a first touch that'll make you go oooOO--WAHH
But Ashley Cole will make you scream MAMA-MEEE YAA!!!
So better Lescott replace that creeep-AHH!!

i...hearts...England :D

Thursday happenings...

2009-04-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

Remember that David VS Goliath story in the bible? Where the tiny one crushed and defeated the giant? The same thing happened when i got up tis morn....

This little fella was crawling on my back and its pinchers i nearly felt just before i flicked it away. Babi. Ada hati wana kacau me from sleep. Sik sedar size dirik! Sukk Sukk i was sleeping soundly just now. And when i got back to sleep after that ada gik it came back, tis time i crawled straight behind the cupboard after i flicked it away from my back the second time...

dumb beetle...

After all that i noticed i cant head back to sleep and outside i could see it was pretty shiny despite only being 7 in the morn. And it was already hot. Gah.. Dah la whole day class today.

During my lunch hour break i notice a black thick smoke roughly 3 KM from my hostel. It was really thick black. And me and Daniel can only assume it could be some bush fire going on there. The black thick smoke covered the sky and every where i went i looked quite reddish. Alot of the cars and bikes were dusty. I dont know whether this is something common here but it was rather scary...abit.

can you see that red sun ray? owh. i use my rangka katil to jemur baju. hehe

Daniel terrorized by the blaze. hehehe

It got thicker later in the evening...

The air is polluted. So i head to the library and got meself some aircond. Did some of tutorials. Went around the shelves and i found this... kinda remind me of someone struglling with her disertation. heheehehe

That's the black one that caught my eye...

I bet this is how Davina looks like when she's doing her dissertation. hehehe

...and now am back in me room and it feels like staying and living in a smoking zone... literaly...

A Song For Someone

2009-04-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

Here's a song for someone.. Its a song called Writing To Reach You By Travis...

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my head won't go away
The radio is playing all the usual
What's a Wonderwall anyway?

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you
And you know it's true
But that won't do

Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday
And whatever's in my head should go away
But still the radio keeps playing all the usual
And what's a Wonderwall anyway?

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you
And you know it's true
But that won't do
And you know it's you
I'm talking to

The goal post

2009-04-18T05:14:00.000-07:00

Remember the other day i went and get this wooden frame from the furniture shop for free? Well, its not really free cause i just took it from the place where they dispose all these bekas bekas tilam baru. So i just sambak one la in hopes that it would turn out into a street soccer goal post.

the wooden frame that nite

So today, me and Fidelis decided to get it done. It was rather tricky due to the fragile wood and everytime we tried to pull out the nails the wood would chip.

Fidelis at work

And this is how it turned out to be after 3 hours putting it into one piece....

ta-DAA!

After that i had a short entertainment at his place watching Tamil movies. hehehehe.

The movie was something about theif turned cop to get his hands on some diamond

Despite being that fragile the goal post turned out rigid enough to succumb the impacts from hard shots.

reminds me of my street session back in Swinburne with the Kazens...

I feel rather satisfied with it. And as always, i had a good match and a menthol social cigarette session wont do much harm.. hehehehe.

The Rave Menthol Cigarette Man...

1st PC fair, 1st Kolo Mee

2009-04-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

Earlier tonite me and the bunch of monkeys here went to dinner at Lucy's. Well, the place isn't really called Lucy's but one of the waitress' name is Lucy. Daniel, Fidelis and C'nong tried to flirt with her abit before this so due to that we end up calling the place Lucy's since we all dont know what's the place is called. hehehe. And here, i ate my first kolo mee. A kolo mee in Sibu. I asked for kolo mee merah...but... it wasn't as tasty as the ones back at home. Dah la the merah wasn't tat merah. Its either the cook was bloody cheap skate or she didnt really know how to cook one since Sibu is more well known for the Kampua. I think my favourite Kolo mee would be the one at Jolibee Chong Lin park. YuuuUUMMMmm.....

Daniel doing his fake thumbs up

So after dinner, we headed straight to Sibu's Exhibition and Trade Centre (i think that's what it is called) near Esplanade. The PIKOM PC fair is held there.

PIKOM PC Fair Sibu...

And i tell you, it was a sad sight. Usually, back at home, berlambak bah people rushing to this kinda thing but here, hadooOOhh. It wasn't a big crowd and Agan's hopes of cuci mata was crushed. And i totally agreed with him as i was with him the whole time while Daniel, Fidelis and C'nong were on their own way busy searching for stuff.

Agan in the white shirt looking side ways...frustrated

I think this picture should tell you how small it was. And when we left like 9.20 pm, most of the cars were gone. What the bloody fuck? I had a minor culture shock for a short moment after such discovery. Kan usually at home, around 10pm people still rushing, pushing other like mad in the fair either rushing to get what they want or rushing to go back and try out their new toy. But this? Owh well, wt to do kan? Nothing much happens here. SiGhhh...

There's just so much space. Even i my tummy can pass through the human traffic...usually it doesnt.

blank post.... not!

2009-04-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

Just the other day when i was heading back to hostel by bus, the bus conductor came up to me to charge me. I paid him. And i had a quick glance on his face. He was an old man. Around 55 - 60+. He had a minor disfigurement from the eye down to his cheek. I think he noticed it that i was looking and he gave me a sour face after tat. hehehe. owh well. ma bad! And cheekily he gave me tis as my balance...

The dear old man looks like Leto. hehehe

Babi! The dear governor has eye shadows on! Dah la mata juling. hehehe. Damn! But i managed to dispose the cash by buying Kampua for breakfast tis morn. lucky me eh? hehehehe

Tonite after having some drinks at the kedey kupi not far from campus, me and the lads here drop by at the kedey runcit and i found this...

Bee Hoon Langkau

...and would you wana have tis for breakfast or any meal? Memang peng pun! haha. Langkau now comes in a solid consumable matter. hehehe

So when we head back on foot, i saw this piece of wooden frame outside the closed furniture shop. In me head was thinking whether it could make me a goal post for street soccer. So without delay i took it and we all went off straight away. Not wanting to be caught or what. Things you're willing to do for footie ei? hehehehe

On a watch out for unwanted circumstances

FIGOS

2009-04-14T04:23:00.000-07:00

Just about one hour left to football practise me and Fidelis went straight to town and get me new boots!

We went to Delta Mall's Lea's centre but nothing much there. Was looking for something within my Rm50 budget. Cant spend more than that otherwise i'll starve for the next 11 days. Most of the shoes there are futsal shoes. And the only boots available were Nike. Nothing cheaper than Rm300. So we went back down to Premier and surveyed another Lea Centre there.But still... nothing nice.

So we spotted one sports shop just opposite Premier and we had a look at the boots....and i found this cheap nice boot.....

Figos. It cost Rm35 jak.

I didnt played well with it just now when i was trying it out, with my full England kit. But damn... I lost my mood and determination to play when i was trying hard to get used to me new pair of boots. And it really spoiled my day, this adapting phase. And i feel so flat out... Tired.... Moody..... I need a rest...

my new love...

2009-04-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

I have tis new love for bikes ever since the starting of the year. I got influenced by my mates here in Sibu. They're damn good at it. Fixing and all. Illegal racers i think. Daniel, is one who always talks about racing at Masja back in Kuching which i would get all so blur about it. hehehe. And this evening i saw this beauty....

Its a Yamaha FZ-15 150cc .

The one i saw was a black one like tis one. 4 stroke. Its not tat big. Looks like the one you can recognise from our past time cartoon hero, Kesatria Baja Hitam or Gaban. hehehe.

And.......... i......... so............ love........... this............... bike!

nothing much to be said....

2009-04-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

It has not been much updating over the past week. It was a pretty dull week....owh well.. Sibu kan?

But during the Holy week i manage to go to church. Yeap! Finally to St. John's, where i first set foot on a church. The very place my pretty pretty had her baptism when she was a baby and i was there to witness it... i think. So said she. hehehe. It was a Maundy thursday service. I went pretty early. By 5pm i was there. But i asked one of the church members and he said that its at 7.30 pm . So i had to hang around and kill time at Sing Kwong supermarket. Just opposite the church. Well, the wait was worth it. And i really need to go to church. Its been awhile since my last prayer and my recital of the Nicene Creed and the recieving of the sacrament.

It was suppose to be an English service but it was soO Iban-ish. As the priest in charge had just been transfered there, i guess he saw the majority of the congregation were Iban so maybe it wouldn't be much harm doing it in Iban also. And (God Forgive me).. the readings sounded very very Iban-ish! I had a little giggle as i had a short self-entertaining myself, listening to the broken english. Well, i wouldn't mind if it was an Iban service jak. But owh well. At least i did my prayers and everyone else did.

On Good Friday... i skipped service! Gawsh! The whole day i felt bad not going to church. And that night i was chilling at Agan's room with Fidelis and C'nong our new mate from Sabah. And we dranked piss drunk. Still feeling bad i just kept shut and slept. So the next day, i totally decided i'd better be going to the Easter Vigil service at night. And this time i went a little later. By 6 pm i was waiting for the bus. I assumed that the service would be at 7.30 pm. But once i reached there, the gate was still close! So i went up Sing Kwong and played that shooting game at the arcade. "OOOWW--PHEN FAAAYERR!!" (dawin spoow and jewl should know what game tis is) By 8 pm i was done. I rushed out and checked, still. No one was there. So i had to wait till 9 pm when the service started. I just had to accept that tis is what i deserve for not going to church on Good Friday... sigh

Then on Easter sunday, again i skipped service. gahHH! Felt bad. But i use the whole day to clean up as i thought my heavy coughs at nite during sleep was due to the dusty bed sheets and pillows. The day was hot and bright so i went to wash em all and dry it on the fence... then.. the most unpredictable thing happened.. HUJAN PANAS! Masibai.. had to run out and ambik my kain. Those from the hostel realised what had happened and they had a good laugh about it.. damn. Later that evening, Fidelis asked me to join him for service at the Sacred Heart Catholic Church in town. Realising that my day was a pretty bad one so i went even though it was of a different denomination. And again i entertained myself by correcting the preachers english. hehehe. Then *sppooolsshh!!*... it rained heavily. By the time church was done, we were stucked. But we decided just to had back straight despite the rain. He had his raincoat on but i was soaking wet. And i believe that is what i get and deserved for not going to church and...... correcting preacher's grammar....AGAIN.

Starting next week, ill be going to church weekly.. i hope. hehehe :D

Monday 6th April 2009

2009-04-06T06:29:00.000-07:00

My sleep was disrupted by the loud knock on my door. Buggers Fidelis and Agan woke me up and they were all set to go for registration. I wanted to take me bath first but Wilson was in the bathroom. So i just washed my face and got dressed up with my cap on my head... I met with the other UCS gang at the canteen, yep, those who decided to declined my request to move with them to their rented home outside at the very last minute. Screw them... or him for that matter.

Anyways, it is my youngest sis pun birthday today!! She turns 13 today. And she's sad. She thought that everyone had forgotten about it. Tedah... Macam la her big bro would lupak! GahhH,... i wish i was at home with them. Mesti they go have dinner outside, eating lotsa yummy yummy food while i have to learn to make myself full with bubur kosong and kampua...

Sweet and Sour pork...yuUUmm...

I had a short nap just before i went out to play some football. But owh my,... it was just the four of us playing. Me, Fidelis, Agan and Daniel. Most of the students were playing hoops. We got bored instantly after just 1 hour of play, then we started doing nonsense.

Empty....

And this is one particular nonsense event i found here within the college.

Look, the flag wasn't tied up properly...

Since these past few weeks is all about politics and the by-election in our national news, i've decided to take a picture of this. This was just a little display regarding my patriotism in me. Great Success!! (The Borat immitation)

Now can you see the reason why? We'll see if they'll fix it tomorrow...

Back to Sin City

2009-04-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

"DaAAyyYYY--MNn!"

The very first word i said when i got to me college...

After the 5 hours trip by boat express, and another 15 minutes bus trip i've already started feeling wanting to go back home. As i step down from the bus, i hurried despite tired after tat long trip i head to the notice board where they'd put the exam results.

Pengajian Malaysia L
Pendidikan Moral L

I passed those two papers!! I was doubtful about the outcome of the results during my 3 weeks holiday. Was afraid that i might have screwed up during the presentation where my group when over the time limit and my individual presentation seemed rather political... indirectly. So that pass did manage to lift my spirits up. The thought of leaving home just sucks, big time. I wonder how on earth si Davina can tahan. I text me folks. The old man was happy. I think that should be sufficient to make them believe that the education investment on me is worth every Governor pictured paper even more.

owh. Another thing that made my day was the crappy housemate's complain. He approached me and ask who was in his room. Then i said maybe his new roomie. With all the bags and boxes on his side of the room. He didn't liked the thought of sharing his room. Guess its very obvious now that his wierd antics were to shoosh me off from his room so that he can have the big sharing room all on his own.....he thought wrong! muuaahaahahaha!

So tomorrow, it'll be registration day. Gona try appeal for 5 subjects this time instead of a 4. I hope i can get another 3 pointer for this coming sem...

till the next time...

When the giant awakes....

2009-04-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

This morning i was sleeping soundly on my bed. Not in a room though. But its somewhat a living room/ a place for me sis to study. Not at the bt12 home but the church home where we would stay for the weekdays coz the little plummy sis has school. It was raining heavily early in the morning. Around 7 something it says as i look at the clock on me mobile. Then i went on with my sleep after that, happily knowing how comfortable it is sleeping on a cold rainy day. Soon after that, i noticed someone covered my naked top with the blanket. I assumed it was me sis. She did it again but tis time it wasn't raining anymore. But i was happy, thought she was just giving her big bro some loving care...

As me eyelids open, i was alarmed that footsteps, heavy footsteps were making the vibrations on the wooden floors on where i was lying on. I wasn't sleeping on a bed but just mattress and floor. Then i notice, the footsteps were not just of one, but many.... soon after, sounds of little squeaking were coming from the next room where my sis sleeps. Annoyed i was as i was still enjoying my sleep. But i realised that it was already 10 something. As i went downstairs to the kitchen hoping to find food ready to be eaten, there she was. Her face looked pretty funny. A very mischievous one, a face trying to hide something. Then suddenly she called out a name....

"Annabelle!"

They were cooking spaghetti. I was hungry so i asked for some.

"Is there anyone upstairs?" i asked.

"Annabelle's friends.."

And now i realised why she had covered me up during my sleep. Guess she was embarassed to have a big beer bellied brother and didnt want her friends to see! But owh well... i think there was 7 of them in the room when i saw 7 forks on the bowl of spaghetti. All in uniform I presume getting ready for the afternoon session school. Then..

.......the mummy came. With a plastic of roti canai in her hands. She went straight to the kitchen and started munching on the spicy thing. Then suddenly me sis went downstairs not realising mum was around. Then surprised she was! She commanded the two girls behind her to go back upstairs. Waving her hands to go up there. Not wanting mum to see them. Guess the thought of having your school principle at your own home where you and your friends are chilling intimidates you enough even when the principle is like all any ordinary individual... How panic they were when i saw them running upstairs! And the silly thing is that they wanted to be sneaky but they didn't realise that they were running on wooden floors. hehehehehe. One was a chubby one and the other was skinny! hehe

Soon after that those two girls wanted to sneak out behind me mums back. Panic, they swiftly went out straight to the door. I was done eating my meal by then so i went towards the kitchen. Mum was at the dining table in between the kitchen and the stairs with the walls separating the rooms. Rani, who was done talking to mum, went out to check on the two girls just now. Then mum asked me "where are the girls?"... "OUTSIDE! THERE! THERE! *pointing towards them*" Deliberately i did that. Just wanted to annoy my little sis. And the girls gave me an even more freaked out face. She knew that Rani brought her friends by counting the number of shoes outside the door earlier on. Those girls think they can outsmart their own principal huh? hehehe.

Owh well...

That was how my day today started. The girls had just left for school. It was a rather funny 2 hours for me. And i hope thats a sign that my day would turn out fine... hehehe

[ps] those two came back again after mum left. And surprisingly, one of them said thank you despite my irritating act just now. hehehehe

RM 400?!

2009-03-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

*RM 400?! RM 400?!!!*

*Shiet...*

this is how my guitar looks like...

That was the very thing that was in me head. Wanted to say out loud but i just cant and it would piss off that Mr tauke.

RM400... that is how much my guitar is worth now. I wanted to trade it in for another guitar. The one i mentioned in my previous post. Disappointed i was very much indeed stupid fuck shiieeeeETTT.... My guitar i've been using for the past 6 years has been truly loyal to me. It cost my mum Rm1395 when we bought it at Lee. The tauke tadik said that was some bloody over priced guitar. He said it should cost no more than RM800. gahhHhh... just went i thought i could trade it in for RM800 at first.

me dream guitar i saw at Wisma Saberkas has tis body...

owh well,...

what to do?

Then i told me lady, then she put a stick at me saying that i was stubborn. what a day kan? Excited and my hopes were high, but ended into something like udah terap ari tangga, alu kamah baju kenak taik chapi.

Guess i have to wait and wait and wait.... till i dono when i can get a good guitar which i will really admire for another 6 years.

this weekends battle...

2009-03-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

Theres a battle of the bands coming up this weekend! 5th April. And I think its rite to say that me band (B for Tesla) is prepared for tis one. I don’t know how major tis is. So far, from what dale and jewl told me last nite there’s like only 5 bands out of 60 bands expected to participate! 5 jak oi!

Owh well,..

Me dale jewl dawin and abang pendek manage to create a tune for tis battle. I think it has that Incubus influence in there and some extra stuff we’ve been exposed for several years dy. Had it done after we were inspired by dawin’s original song and we totally changed the whole tune. It sounds very different and lucky us dawin wasn’t pissed about it. If she was, we’ll chop her Billy Corgan. Hehehe. I’m not sure what the song title is but I do have to admit that I’m quite pleased with it. And I know it sounds much better than my previous contribution to the mr celebrity. MUAHAHAHAHHA. (dah la copet my solo and dale’s bass lines for his song…sooO kurang idea)

Here are the details of the battle…

Rock Idol Kuching (Battle of the Band)

our set up at dale's place. jewl's playing the digital drums on the organ

The tune's progression looks pretty much like this...

intro = Deftones' Minerva
verse= cant recall which band played that part. it just came up suddenly
pre-chorus = Incubus' Pistola
chorus = another Incubus piece i forgotten which song
bridge = some random Metal play

lyrics? it sounded pretty paramore.... ia di padah dale la.. hehehehe

Yesterday, i went up to Wisma Saberkas with me pretty pretty and checked out Les Paul. Top floor. And i found this beauty. And this beauty cost RM9++!!! I WANTTT!!!!!!.... I dont care that its just a Samick but i still waaANNNNNTTTT!!!! here's a "what if?" for you....

what if i get this guitar for the battle?

the hike up

2009-03-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrows the day when i'll be heading up Santubong again. This time with Jewl, Raymond, Jon, Cyril and Thaniel (adik Fio). It will be my second hike up and i think i'm all set and prepared for it. Gona be resting at home today. Sorry Little one.. wish i can join the rest futsal. You know how much i need to lose weight. hehehe. Hope to post up once am done hiking..

No Regrets..

2009-03-16T09:19:00.000-07:00

here's the last part of the song No Regrets by Robbie Williams that keeps bugging me tonite.

Everything I wanted to be every
Time I walked away
Everytime you told me to leave
I just wanted to stay
Every time you looked at me and
Everytime you smiled
I felt so vacant you treat me like a child
I loved the way we used to laugh
I loved the way we used to smile
Often I sit down and think of you
For a while
Then it passes by me and I think of
Someone else instead
I guess the love we once had is
Officially dead...

You have degraded the English language

2009-02-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

Today's class was rather interesting. Nope. It was not because of the topic lectured, but someone was talking in a language very familiar but still had no sense in it. It was my Malaysian Studies class. Where college students get their taste of the government's propaganda at a higher level.

For this class, lecturers take turns showing up and i think there's like 5 or 7 of them teaching us just tat subject every week. Each lecturer have their own part to present. And this one.... "adoooOOHhhh" (Jewl's version), just had to make my day a laughable one the whole time. Just that i had to laugh about it silently. hehehehe

here are what i think was "words" she used tis morning..

go and read it -----> go and read for it ( for who bah?!)

all these are related to transportation ---------> all this is about the transport (grammatical error)

all/most of them ------> all the theys (yet another obvious error)

knowledge --------> knowled-GES (who would have thought someone who is entrusted with this knowledge sharing job can ever get this fundamental word wrong!)

responsibility -------> respon-bility (respond ability you say?)

security ----------> skuturi!!

for those who wants to study oversea -------> for you guys want to study overseas ( she just had to put "you guys" to make it a little bit catchy)

efficient -------> effey-shien

number seven -----> number seveRns

determine -------> determYne (as in dee-tur-main)

items -----> iteNs

licensing ------> licen-ning

sue you ------> shoe you

efforts -------> eeeeeee-forts

share price going up ------> going up the pri-zed (dont for get,...pri-ZED!!)

strategies ------> strategics

services --------> serviks ( my gawsh woman. isn't that something you really should know?)

splendid --------> splendits (it nearly sounded like spend tits)

improved lifestyle -------> MORE HIGHER lifestyle

and all these only took her less than an hour to entertain me.
hehehe. until the next time i catch her doing the same!

I do not sit with enemies

2009-01-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

It maybe my weakness or something. But forgiving in a way seems troublesome when you feel like that person you wana forgive, should not be forgiven. Christian teachings tells us love and forgiveness is the basis of our belief. Day by day, i see more of these unconditional love deteriorating. Ego eats em up. These people im talking about, to me, they're not worth forgiving. Fucked up hypocrites. i dont deserve to be among them. These people have given false hope, sadness, depression to those i love.. especially my pretty pretty. i hate them. i cant bear to have the thought of shaking hands even with these people. They're hands are just too filthy.

You might say that if i do this, how far different am i from them. Well, at least i love and respect those who deserve love and respect and everything good that fullfillls a persons life....and those hypocrites dont. Get my point? Obviously i'm doing an extra good compared to them. We're not equal.

I just wish there's something like a panic button where once i see these kinda people i can just shut them off and make them disappear. Or maybe make them dissappear whenever they would try to get so egoistic and hurt those i love. i dont and will never wish these people pleasent life.

I dont care whether they're old or any of that crap. The old ways doesnt really apply here. "Tulah" is the term used when moral studies have not yet existed during that time. So now, thereis religion and school education that can bring forth a person with good moral ethics. I doubt it that you should believe "....dont do that. The elders might be angry or displease later..." Fuck this common phrase. Every man knows what needs to be done and the things he must not do.

In this new age we're living in, we should try our very best to keep our traditions and culture. But then again, to some extent, we shouldn't make it a burden where we are troubled and confused between our right and wrongs... fuck u mean fucked up people. i wish you hell...

The ObamaMania

2009-01-20T20:46:00.000-08:00

When yesterday emerged by signs of rain drops, with fan chilling the room and a slight shine of the sun, my mind was alert right after the moment i open up my heavy eyelids. My brain was 65% of its awareness potential that time. But i knew today was in a way, a day which i've anticipated for the last couple of weeks.

Not many of those i know here are aware of this day. Most of them are calculating and managing financial expectancies during this coming Chinese New Year. Well, what to do? Different mindset of global and current issues i guess.

I wonder whether this Obama guy was for real. The word "Change" has been his greatest asset in winning the presidential election. And he hopes that that simple word "Change" would come great meaning to his country and his allies. But every word he say during his speech were strong, powerful words. Influencing every single one who were watching and listening attentively. And good thing, i manage to be part of those who were watching.

But of course there were some "barriers" i had to overcome to witness this special occasion.

The whole day i was kept wondering where can i watch this? I doubt tat if i go down to town and hope that some coffee shop would show this. Even weekly football matches also susah wana watch here. Its just wrestling, wrestling and more wrestling. boooORING!

So i was left with one option. Watch it online...

bok bukak laptop dah sukk.. hehehe

Then that nite i pasang the laptop. Around 10 i think. Or was it 9. Anyways, loading the live video coverage was so slow!
adoh.. stuck stuck here and there la. And i had to figure out how for the next 1 hour on what to do. In that 1 hour i was waiting for it to at least to load or something like tat. but gaahhh...
i didnt worked..

i was dissapointed..

connection lagging... gai..

In a desparate attempt, i switched off FireFox. And used Internet Explorer instead. It was abit faster. I do not know why. By that time it was around 12 am. The Obamas were in church before the inauguration. But still, i cant get a clear smooth video streaming i wanted.

I had an hour left. I quickly defragmented my laptop and hope it would run faster. It took a few minutes. I still can listen to audios of the live telecast. But not the video.

When that was done, things were better. I WAS WATCHING IT!!...but i wasnt satisfied just as yet. Quickly i turned off my yahoo messenger and msn messenger. Not wanting any disruption or share of those kilobits per seconds with any programs..dah excited dah. hehe

And *sighH*.. right on time... everything was even better. I was witnessing every single thing of it online. I was having a nice chat on facebook with some friends while watching it. At least i wont feel like i'm the only one watching..

streaming was just nice...

Delighted i was. But i had to head straight to bed as it was already 2 am. The thought of knowing there's class next morn nearly kill the mood. But what the heck.. I was satisfied and happy as i got what i've wanted. hehehehe

Blogger award from davina

2009-01-20T02:54:00.000-08:00

got tis from davina. had to do it i guess? wt to do.. got too much time to kill. hehehehe

1. Copy badge “2008 Cute’s 3logger Award” di atas untuk diletakkan di blog anda.

dah

2. Link/ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini kepada anda.

Davina. The lady from NUFC and she tak bangga with the club. so gai. dah la blur. hehehehe. one of my faithful chat since mIRC was still famous.

3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnye (anda di-tag).

music

surfing

gaming

texting sms

blog?

think of ways to make money

read

youtube-ing

downloading

football

4. Anda perlu memilih 5 penerima award seterusnye dan menyatakan nama mereka di blog anda.

speul

jewl

my woman

little one

jimmy bartender

5. Jangan lupe melawat blog kawan anda dan meninggalkan komen yang menyatakan mereka telah ditag.

sorait amigos

Doomsday

2009-01-17T05:10:00.000-08:00

The night before I had planned to give out my newly designed fliers to promote my MLM business. I was excited and cant wait for the next day to come. So I had to sleep early (2 am) to get a fresh start for today.

The moment I got up, it was pouring rain like hell. Patters of rain drops came into my room. Luckily I didn’t left my bag and laptop rite under the window. That was about 9 am. So knowing I cant do anything I went back to sleep. Then I got up at 12. Went online for awhile then I rush to bathe and got ready my biz documents and stuff.

Then one of me mates, Fidelis, text me whether I wanted to go for lunch. So I went on to his place. Walked to the coffee shop and indulged on fats on yummy pork I’ve ordered. Then, it rained.. stucked there the both of us just had to wait till the rain stopped. But once it stop, we both decided to try out this new jamming place not far from where we were..

The whole time we were looking for the place. And once we found it, it was a jamming place in a house. The equipments were so-so jak.. they didn’t charge us anything like solo, individual. Just straight away 20 per hour. So we decided to jam for half an hour just to try it out. And after tat we left. He went home, I went to the bus stop to head to town.

Once in town I hurried to photocopy my fliers. 100 pieces. Both sides printed. And it cost me cun cun rm10. After tat I went off, left 4 pieces for those in the photocopy centre to promote. Then after tat, I didn’t know where to start. So out of instinct, I went randomly. Giving out to anyone who passes me with a smile…

As I went on, I passed it to someone who seemed interested in it. I went on explaining the way I should. I was excited tat finally one person of all those who had accepted my fliers had asked me what it was. As I explained on, giving in details, he suddenly say “ This is cheating!”. Fuck. That was one big put off! He kept on emphasizing the word cheat. In front of everyone, I couldn’t go anywhere but to listen what he had to say. I felt embarrassed. Its true that I’ve left some important information on my fliers. Particularly the company’s logo and the company’s registration number. But then again, we’re not allowed to if we were to make out own fliers. So I wonder…

We sort of talked about it. And suddenly he said he was one of them special branch. The 5-0’s as Donald would love to call them. I panic. He had threatened to bring me in for questioning if I went on. He asked where I’m from, what am I doing and all. I just answered what he asked. And I think he had only wanted to warn me knowing that I was young and trying out something new, like what he’d mentioned just now. After all that, we shook hands. “and you are mister?” he asked.. “James. You sir?” “ Sergeant Peter. I left and said “see you. Thanks for the advise.”, with a pat on his shoulder. I had to keep my composure but inside I was pissed, upset and disappointed..

And now.. I just feel hopeless…

The different taste of music behind each doors

2009-01-15T22:42:00.000-08:00

Three of us in one flat. Different background… and different taste of music.

Door one : Wilson and his buddies most of the time would put on some technos and trance music. He has the loudest among the three of us. He’s got speakers for tat. But there will be some occasions where he would put some soft tunes. Guess he was in tat love dovey mood or emo or something like tat.

Door two : mine. I would put on the hardest rock available. Namely metallica, muse, a perfect circle, incubus and whatever those I love listening to. Tracks with good nice guitars to listen to.

Door three: Dan-Dan. His playlist I don’t like. Fucking annoying RnB and Hip Hop selection. Bah.. if u wana listen ok la. But don’t have to sing it aloud bah!! Kan tis genre has got like repeating of versus… very so many too much repetitions. And he keeps singing along to the repetitions like over and over and over again. And sometimes he would wave his hands and dance along with it…gai… most of the time when I was in the same room with him I pasang mine extra loud tat I don’t have to listen to him. What more to say when he puts on his earphone. He’ll ignore that anyone else is listening…

Well, that’s over with. I’ll be eyeing for my own speakers and I’ll purposely put it on the wall opposite where his bed is. His head is lying. Then the fucker wont have peace even when I’m not around. I can just ignore his plea to shut mine. But I’ve got my own door to lock now. And totally ignore him… muaahahahahahahaa.

Back in Kampua Land

2009-01-15T07:24:00.000-08:00

This is nearly my first week here and next week is a one week break. Shiet. Its only been a week class. Ia pun briefing jak. I should be heading back home today but crap… with only RM150 in the wallet there’s no chance for tat. Guess that whole week I’ll be damn bored, and most likely missing those back at home. But what to do…

The week started ok. I changed me room to the single one. No more annoyance from you know who. The single room is just nice for me. I have position my study table facing the window looking out. Need all the space I can get to study. So by looking outside should help. Had to sleep on the floor at first. The bed was broken. And I had to wait to 3 days for them to get me a new one. And I found out they’ve forgotten about it. It took the person in charge just 15 minutes to deal with it. Damn… but that doesn’t really matter. Worth waiting. For now I feel secure, free to do what ever I want in my own room. No worries about food being taken. Especially my Bovril. Hehehe..

So I guess the next whole week I’ll be fixing my body clock. Waking up at 7 is hard again. Nearly skipped class coz of that. Alan Song will be off to Sarikei. Guess no one is around. Moses the man from Kanowit will be off to KL to deal with his business which he’s been trying hard to catch up with. I guess I’ll be doing much reading stuff online, chatting and nudge-ing anyone online, play my football manager faithfully. And I hope tis time, I’ll go down to town approaching people giving fliers. Got to do that eh.. too laid back tis past few months I guess..

and owh… I’ve got to get rid of this little cicak in my room. Fucking creature don’t know where it’d come from. Darn...

Need The Money?.... LOTS OF IT A DAY?

2008-12-24T00:08:00.001-08:00

This is a Multi-Level Marketing type of business. A majority might not like this concept of earning cash and they would think most of it are FAKE and a SCAM. Well, i would say its a lost to them... Here's what i've posted up on my personal Uptrend website for promotion.. My Uptrend2u Personal Website.

This is when i would go...
" WOULD YOU LIKE TO EARN RM300 TO RM600 A DAY?!!" hehehe

These are the things you would consider when it comes to your finance problems..

1. Can I use another loan to cover up all the other loans?
2. Should I mortgage some of my wife's jewelry?
3. Should i consider doing a second job?
4. How much longer will i be in debt?
5. Where can I find cash to settle my income tax, kids education, food, family?

Do you really wana go on and ask these over and over again?

Here's what you could do..

We're offering FOUR packages. It is very reasonable and logical to think that the bigger the package, the more product you'll receive and the BIGGER the potential income becomes...

1. Platinum Package Cost = $874 / RM 3321.20 Potential DAILY income = $1260 / RM 4788
2. Gold Package Cost = $630 / RM 2394 Potential DAILY income = $900 / RM3420
3. Silver Package Cost = $386 / RM 1466.80 Potential DAILY income = $540 / RM 2052
4. Bronze Package Cost = $142 / RM 539.60 Potential DAILY income = $180 / RM684

And now, here are the four steps you have to do:

1. Become a member and acquire the license.

2. Buy one of the packages stated above.

3. Once you've done the first two, you will now go about looking for people to join under you of course. Don't be discourage coz of this. As long as you've got a very good upline, you chances of getting at least TWO people under you will be higher. (Remember, you need at least two people under you to start off with)

4. Lastly, this i describe would be the best part... make your downlines duplicate. This stage will keep on going down. There is no end to this. This is when you sit back and relax.. But of course, with that much money coming in, you wont be satisfied... hehehehe

Easy ei? Well, communication and work ethics are a priority here. Communicate with your uplines often and always keep in touch. Coz if it is a one man show where you dont care about anyone but yourself.. then you've change the system into a pyramid scam.

So should anyone who reads this post considers this chance and privilege and wants to learn more, do contact me at 016-8625263... healsca... or buzz me at my Facebook account or my Friendster account.

Or add me up at MSN messenger---> bono_greenberet@hotmail.com
or Yahoo Messenger -----> healscajim@yahoo.com. You can email me tru my yahoo account with this also.

Cheers!

The theory of the Evolution of Religion

2008-12-01T00:42:00.000-08:00

Harsh words, and piercing sentences keep provoking those in peace with religion. But sadly even those in religion itself still cant stop surprising me and shocking me. Holy words and holy actions they claim can still hurt the other of different belief…
But what if actually, the one thing we’ve been worshiping is the Ultimate One and only?
Have anyone ever thought about tat?

I will have to explain this theory from a Christian’s point of view due to my background. I’m all open for any criticism. I won’t mind. Besides, this is just a theory. A theory I’ve made. A theory I’ve been wondering whether there’s a possibility in it.

During the days when religion was on the very top of every society, no matter where they come from, communication was a serious barrier. Those who are so willing to spread the good news no matter what the religion they came from, translating the holy text to another language was obviously something they had to really look into.

When the followers of Christ wanted to move about spreading the words of the Holy One, could they have spoke and converse other than Aramaic (is that what you called it?). Try imagining if it was you doing God’s work. Your teachings so valuable you can’t wait to tell it to everyone. But once you’ve a reach a land so new, you can’t find words to help you talk to the natives there. I doubt there’s any book shop selling Dictionaries during that period.

However, determination and the will power to make sure people know the truth our hard working ancestors most probably dug deep into their pockets to hire translators and writers to deal with such problem.

But how solid can those words after translation be? In certain parts of the world, a different continent has a different ways to describe something in their own tongue. For instance, “gotong-royong” in this country means helping out with others with events or duties. But I doubt there’s a specific meaning for such action in another part of the world. Maybe it’s describe in a sentence rather than a word.

So what if this so called lack of words can be a problem during those times? When translators can’t really get what the actual text meant and they just take whatever they think is nearest to their meaning in their own language?

*BANNNNGG!!!!!* There goes the evolution. Different religion or dominations of certain religions are evolved due to this error. Grammatical error.

I guess I’d like to stop here for now.. Maybe it’s for my own safety? Or maybe I’m just putting a hold to boost your curiosity. Follow up with the second part soon once am done with my exam…

when it comes to this...

2008-11-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

its been almost a month since my last trip back home. the longer i stay the more...ermm... emo? ill get. am missing so much fun back home. and missing her so much too, as well as those i call me family. just less than two weeks till my finals and i cant really find myself that bothered about it. i've calculated my carry marks for all my subjects and surprisingly its something i'm very impressed about.

but then again,... i just miss home and everyone back home alot. the longer i stay here, the longer i feel i dont belong here. i should be back next to her trying to catch her "termenong" and i should be back eating KOLO MEE instead of Kampua mee. and i should be sitting next to speul like most Godfathers do.. sitting next to their consigliere talking business and any problems.

so now i'm cant see myself counting the days anymore.. im starting to count the hours. which is more annoying coz 1 day sounds better than 24 hours. anxiety tends to rush into my veins if i do so...

When you need the satan for help...

2008-09-24T01:42:00.000-07:00

"kau main nombor untuk menang ka?"

"huh?... mestila!"

"kau pernah cuba pakai antu untuk menang?"

"pakei pa? tak mau saya.. sanggup lagi saya tunggu sampai tua.."

"kalau di Sabah tu kan, banyak yang pakai antu untuk menang.. main spirit of the coin.."

"....."

Desparation... it can lead and motivate a man to do things he would have never thought of doing. Primarily it can be taboo. Doing things he may or may not regret after the outcome. But if its something he will regret,... it would be his to feel guilty,.. life eternal..

Its been awhile i've been playing the lottery. Trying my luck almost every week. Spending RM3.30 a week and hoping for the best from it. But till now nothing, sometimes i feel like giving up, but with me being me an optimistic man, i keep on buying and hoping for lady luck to drop by...

All sorts of method i've tried to increase my possibality of hitting the right combination. Maths, cutting strips of numbers and put it in a bag and take out one number at a time, getting numbers from friends which they think they consider is lucky to them, downloading softwares related to lottery games or just being random....

But there will never be a chance for the devil to help me with this. Every time i play, i would wait patiently to get a hit. Telling myself that i'll only win it, should i really need it or whether i really deserve it.. But no way i'm going to demonize my set of lucky numbers.

The demon... for a very long time i've considered myself to be greater than a demon. I am stronger than any of them. That's because a greater and stronger and wiser person is seen by the way he maintains and keeps his moral ethics and faith.

To me, it would be bloody degrading to ask help from a demon or satan. What is it anyway? Though graphics and illustration can give me the creeps but no way this creatures of darkness deserve respect. We, humans are greater than them. They may have all those "now you see, now you dont" tricks but fuck it. That's playing a cowardly act. We may be mere flesh and blood. But it all depends on what's inside you. Have faith and be strong. If you want, see yourself as how i see myself... greater than any demon...or just act John Constantine...well, you may not see demons along the way, but the confidence and courage to face one will help.

I may sound very naive and not respecting the paranormal but hell with it. Ask yourself, is it logical to respect em' demons? You dont even wana respect the chicken you eat which faithfully sacrifices itself so that you wont be left hungry. Or a pig for that matter. I'm sure many despise all pigs. But why dont you do the same towards demons...or.... fucking satan.

After all this, maybe i might not win the lottery tonite coz fucking satan might have already sabotage my set numbers and not let me win only till he gets his respect.

so?....

What to do? I'm still believing that if i deserve it, i'll win it..

I might get scary nitemares tonite...thanks to the efforts of the demons. But again...
so?

come and get some if you want respect... but no chance you will get it satan... not from this Godfather...

when it is the night..

2008-09-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

soft touches, feeling your skin,
the nite breeze, slowly comes in,
it blows your hair,
down to my neck,
as my fingers tickle your ear..
so gentle like falling flakes...

down to your shoulders,
with your hands commanding,
a peck on those smooth textures
we could sense the blood rushing
my arms around your waist,
as i enjoy every flesh i taste...

i hear...
and fear..
that gentleness would fade..
we caress even harder,
more passionate..
my body heats
as it rubs behind your back...
i tuck myself between your hips,
and start exploring, but never losing track...

my hands in yours,
and your lips to mine,
we cant stop,
never to waste all these precious time..
but pace fluctuates..
to another gear..
when ecstasy starts,
with my pole into the passage,
you keep with care ..
as i hug you tite
with no clothes, just bare..

i hear you whisper,
with a gentle moan
our bodies attached,
never to be torn..
and as i continue this rhythm
of intimacy dance..
i look into your eyes,
you let us be in trance..

intoxicated with hormones unknown,
it speeds us up, from our hips down..
its almost done when the limbs twitches,
my love,we both sprang out in riches..
our bodies wet, tired and relaxed..
our passion and intimacy,
lasted till climax,
then we set for dream,
as i kiss you,.. always loving like before
and now the warmness of our bodies
completes our night am sure...

my freedom

2008-09-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

Not many are aware about the current situation here. On that very same ground their both feet stands on. What ever is going on, on the other side is what i assume. But ever since i started to hear his talk of freedom, justice, fairness, corruption and hope i'm starting to believe in every word he say. I wish am there to hear him talk. His speeches, inspires people, of different culture,race, age.
Should i take in and believe every single word he says? Or like Bart told me, just take it with a pinch of salt. When i ask him can i really believe what the Cuban Cigar smoking man puts up in his blog.

All this talk, words, facts.. i have to admit i feel rather insecure. Can all these be true? What, when and how are the questions i have in mind all the time. Neglect why. I already know.

What:
What will be the end result of all these protest?
What can be done to restore peace?
What are the wealth-indulged big people doing, delaying all these efforts?

When:
When can we truly enjoy the benefit of all these sacrifices?
When can we start?
When can things in the big house move about?
When can the true man step up and make his voice the only one with truth?
When can all these truth make my side of my world be aware of it all?

How:
How will they show the over-turn of the big seats?
How will it affect the majority?
How will the people of other culture and belief take it?
How are we going to cope with the major change?
How can i help to make this change?

Whatever it is that's going on and about in the part of the world, this ground my feet have taken for granted, this man of pure inspiration and truth can count me in. I just feel it and my instincts just too strong telling me to walk his route, his path to freedom... Freedom is what he kept saying... how else can an ordinary man such as myself be happier than having his freedom. to talk. to act. to protest. to choose what's right for himself and those concerned.

Oppression...
We may not be aware of it. I myself cant really tell in which part of your daily routine you are oppressed. But until today, ive realised, i'm at a comfort zone. Im just too blinded by it. Im sorry... From now on, the best way to figure out whats the next step your enemy tries to bring you down, be the enemy and that where you can see all the possibality..

i guess im being random here...
But whatever it is, ask yourself. Is this the life you want? or is this the life you want for your children.
ask yourself, is this the ground you wana stand on? full with worms and unused plastics? of you would want one big change in it, lets say... like a big excavator digging, "moulding" it to a fresh new soil..

thank you very much....

Perpetual Happiness

2008-09-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

There are times when i just feel like i'm miss treated, taken for granted for. How you wonder. Its a fact that i dont have all the cash to get good nice original stuff. Branded clothes, or other branded stuff many would like to show about to their mates. All of these i'll just adore by sight. But when i do have i really keep it well coz it will be the only one ill have. I appreciate what ever gifts i get. No matter big or small. I can be careless losing them frankly. And ill go pretty upset with myself most of the time should i lose it.

So why do i feel taken for granted for? Most of the time, when people are taken for granted is always something materialistic. Taking other people for granted with their cash, flashy cars, big families, parents with big names and all. All these will lead to a certain "invisible" value. As we get older, we tend to start getting stingy, greedy, and all. As time goes by, the value of things will definately rise up. No doubt about that. That's why people are like this these days. Its in us. Do not deny it. We're lucky and should be fucking thankful that we dont go waiting outside in the hot sun on a sandy, dry terrain waiting for UN to come sending food resources to us.

Still wondering what i'm talking about? As i've mention i have nothing. Nothing materialistic to please everyone. Not much cash to spare. I cant hardly get myself some nice clothes, and even a bloody underwear. But, what i can offer is just cheering you up on a cold day. Maybe i can spare some cash for beers and cigarettes to lighten up the mood. I can offer and lend you my ear when everyone had enough of your whinning, thinking they had enough of your sad angry miserable stories. I can be there to listen and talk (when i have the time to) to you even if it means 400KM apart or more. Listen. Im not such a cheapskate or any sort of that. Its just that as i come around in and out here and there, i see people going taking others for granted. If they dont get what they want, you can really see that upset look on their face. Bereft of their indulgence...

I dont need anything that could change my status in society. I may sound quite naive, or not facing reality. Well, we will see how things go. But keep tis principle in mind. Dont take more than your mouth can chew. Get what you need, not what you want all the time. These two simple rules can keep you in balance. What i really want is that you do the same to me. May i have your ear when i have something to talk about? Can you try cheer me up even when i'm very far from where you are? Can you make my day happy? Do you mind getting us a beer and some tobaccos while we chat?

Im glad that those who i've been keeping in touch with do not take me for granted. I can help them get what they need. But it might be hard for me to consider getting what they want. But i dont mind anyways coz they keep me company all the time. They never fail to do so. So they deserve it.

But i'm all of a sudden surprise that i cant seem to find consistent happiness. Every day i feel as if there's always something bad coming around, circulating you like a pack of wolves hunting down a deer. Then when you're at your most ecstacy, thats when they devour all your smiles, tears, cheers and laughs of happiness. Where did i went wrong? Is it that im just feeling left out here alone? Or is it i just need more talk and chat with somebody. Every single minute, that happiness which is suppose to perpetuate seems to flow down from every liter of blood i have. I tried my best to make anyone happy, even from here, but i dont know why it cant be relayed back to me....

I'm not giving anyone the stick or bollocking anyone. To those i always keep in touch with, i thank you very much for everything you did. Deep down i'd like to say i love you as much as i love my own family. But would be pretty funny to hear me saying that dont you think? How hilarious it would be if i say this openly, "Dale! Speul! Jewl! Donald! Daniel! come here you pisashit! give me some love. I love all of you wankers!"

So if you cant really get and transmit my words to you recievers, head the stores and get some raisins. Or ignore this long passage completely... i wont mind. This is the purpose of my blog... like it is mention in the title....the things in me head...

Some ones birthday!

2008-09-19T07:04:00.001-07:00

Today's a special day for me pretty pretty. She turns 22 today. Im glad to see most me mates and me family wished her on her bday and even surprised her! It really did touched her so much. Big ups for those who have helped me in preparing tis special day for her. She really deserved it. Its been a very harsh few weeks she had. Especially the day i had to go....

Its kinda sad for me tat i cant be there to see the look on her face when she got her gift and thanks to the rest, those pictures they've put inside as well...particularly...the key chain...hesh. ada ka tat face pulak.

well, anyways,.. its glad that she's happy. very very happy about it. and am damn proud with my family who had backed me up all this while. you fellas are truly are something ei? Your love is massive! :)

so happy birthday me pretty lass. You make sure you enjoy all your gifts there ok? You deserve all those surprises and all the love from everyone especially our mafia family for cheering you up on this special day and always there for you. i hearts you big time! hehehe

to my family, good job. and mission: success.. :)

me bro

2008-09-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

Me and him are not really in that typical perfect bro to bro relationship. We dont usually talk about personal stuff. I dont know why. Its sad also coz i dont get to do it but im still trying to. But no matter what, i got his back no matter how crappy i've been to him or vice versa.

It was kinda shock that i got the news from me ma that he got admitted to the spital for dengue. Its confirmed dengue. He's all the way there in Mukah. The spital there. Me folks are coming to see him tommorow i presume. I hope i can follow too as the journey limpas Sibu. Honestly i wana see him. Even if i had to cancel some other bigger plans. Like The Corleones. Family first. I tot of going by bus tis weekend and spend a nite at the spital with him but good thing me folks are heading here.

If he's under observance for dengue, then i assume the rest of the people at his hostel there should kena also bah. I'm not asking for it but logically true init? If that happens, i think it shud be out in papers...i think

Well, i do hope he goes back soon.. recovered. I got pretty panic about it when i got the news last sat. and i have tis little personal thing about government spital after my previous experience in SGH. So when he's discharge, he'd better be fit. 100%. Or God knows what will happen to the spital if he doesnt...

What happened in Kanowit...

2008-09-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

Had a trip up to Kanowit last nite and stayed there for the night. Moses had been there roughly 3 years working with the Republic. Its a small town really. According to Musa, everyone knows everybody who'd lived there. I did ask him how secure is it if compared to Sibu. Lucky me, most of those crimes in Kanowit are likely fights and petty theft. So i feel rather secure for once after nearly a month here... secure.... but still there were other things tat made me insecure later tat nite...

We chilled around Sibu looking for food at first for dinner. Drove around aimlessly. Till it was around 9pm something then we'd starting driving up to his place. The drive up took nearly an hour. Along the way was damn creepy and i could feel the back of hair rising up. Then all of a sudden,..... while we were driving up with the high lites on, we saw a man in white walking on the road side on the opposite direction. At first i was surprised that anyone would even dare walk alone at around tis time..... but as we got closer... things got even fucked. the closer we got the more it looked like he hadn't got a head on!! as in damn fucking headless!!! i went berserk! scared and panic! then when we got even closer....... it was just a guy in white nodding his head downwards. His dark hair was just so cun with the nite. Obviously he didnt like the high lites shinning rite into his eyes. pukima... some scary shit there ei? fuck.

As we drove on after tat stupid event, things were ok. but noOO.... suddenly jak there's tis weird sound. As if something was wrong OR knocking on the car while we were driving around 80km/h. "Apa ia bah?" I asked Moss. And as always Moses being Moses..." sik tauk?" haha. Bongoks. I was worried that it might be a puncture or what but Moses just let it be and just assumed that is was the hubcap tercabut. Once we reached the Durin bridge, we'd stop to check. And true enough it did came off! Gawd damn! Another thing just had to keep on scaring me pants off. Forget all that, we reach home at around 1030pm.

hmmm.... guess u knw, what came up? if not, here.. the place was old. Old fashion barracks. I didnt manage to take pics but u can just imagine old government houses. As old as going back to the 80's according to Mos. It was a wooden one. But the breeze was so perfect to send you to sleep..

We had a couple of shots of Golden Hammer. Mix it up with Coke. Had some pork and chicken butt and liver we bought from Sibu open air market. Golden Hammer didnt taste as nice as me old man had mention before, i cant remember when. But i accept it. And stop after awhile. I had enough. I just didnt feel rite in the gut. So we went on taking our time watching Discovery Channel and chit chat. i still had some wierd feeling in the gut.

So lites off. That was around 3am something. The tele was still on though. Then after awhile it auto-off. I realised i had a short sleep when i got up to see the tv was off. then......
all out of a sudden, i could sense some form of vibration on my back. It was as if someone was walking around...outside the house. We were sleeping in the living room. I was lying on the floor with no mattress. i didnt moan the stiff wood. i was still able to sleep no matter what. But tis odd sense that someone was walking around started to make me worried just abit. As the house was 99% wood i can feel every rhythm of that walking movement on my back.. i cant do anything but look around. Mos was fast asleep. Snorring out loud. it CAnt be him. I was scared shit. I was hoping what ever was moving about on those wooden platform did not laugh or look tru tat window i was directly facing at. damn.....

In the end i woke up next morn, wanting to had a shit after digesting 57% of alcohol content. I didnt want to mention anything to Mos yet. I was hungry and still shocked at what had to become my very first direct unexplained event.

As we drove back, we talked about it. And he told me tat the family who were staying just rite next to his, the couple's old folk had died just last year during Gawai. And he had encountered numerous unexplained events when he just move in. And most of the time, he would purposely leave the tv and radio on. Never wanting to hear such weird sound like i had hear last nite.That explains why he left the tv on even when we were about to sleep. I got pissed but not totally pissed as he'd only told me today ajak. But if he told me earlier before we slept, it might be even worse..i guess...i do have the tendency to think outta this world and me insecure for nothing....

the shit fuck

2008-09-11T02:33:00.000-07:00

Another day away, i still cant find peace or focus given tat i've got what i need for basic survival here. Things back at home seems to trouble me. You would know how it feels like when your other half is so depressed and feeling down almost every hour, every minute or every second even. It hurts and i feel helpless knowing that she's back at home, suffering and depressed and sad almost everyday ever since the day i left... she cant find shelter for happiness anywhere. How? Even at home everyone seems such a piss. Always wanting to get the stick to anyone who stays in it. Always wanting to give anyone the bollocking for even the slightest mistake you've made. Gawd damn it. Most of the time i'd get meself damn fucked up by how are things back at her own house. Feels like putting the stick rite to them. Try to pull some strings and get anyone who's responsible for all the sadness heads cut off. So much for future son in law but to fuck like i'd give a damn. A good man will always be seen good no matter what he did which he thinks is for the good and greater cause. Me reputation? Fuck it. My life? Fuck it? My family name, to hell their be behind me no matter what. And what to say my little mafia family. Goodness gracious they'll be with me till the day they see me buried six feet under. With a lovely tree growing just beside me tombstone. Yes. im requesting for a tree to be next to my tombstone when i leave tis painful world full of anger, rage, hypocrasy and fuck. How it will be fulfilling if i can finish up all my studies and work and get a decent place to stay for us. For her to stay away from that negativity. Im afraid i might have to give up my hopes to study abroad. Or just put it on hold. For her sake, and mine. Mine? Mine because she's part of me i cant leave feeling down. Slowly all that sadness can creep into my system where i try hard to pick myself up. Like a cancer from one part of your body going to another limb or organ. Shit fuck. How i'd like to take her away from tat and start enjoying life to the fullest without all that fuck and shit. All this curse and fuck is all because of one person and i truly hate and will never again see eye to eye with such person. My eyes dont deserve to see such humiliation. Humiliation? Coz all that responsibility of being somebody big or influential,...cant even handle it. How to handle it? The simplest thing..maintain the harmony at home. Gosh.... im so full of anger.. Obviously its affecting me. But to hell it wont be long or permanent. Ill still try my best to seek that peace for myself and her and everyone surrounding us. But to that very particular person, not a fucking chance. God may forgive you but me? You'll beg rite to my very grave, with the big nice lovely three beside it...

how it looks like here....

2008-09-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

All rite... well now i've got part of my life back, which is going online almost 24/7 i can now continue telling you crap and particularly how is it like staying here...

The compound and the space here is big, but kinda empty. Life starts creeping in around 8 am or 745 am. Then it gets gradually quiet here by 6 when em' kids finish their classes arnd 5 pm. Then by nite can get rather creepy outside here..

Here's a view from the west side of the building. I took this before me morning class. So you think you can have a cig during breaks? i doubt it. No one can smoke in the campus compund. They'll give you one good bollocking and get you barred from exam if you get caught twice. Harsh ei? You bet...

Here is how the hostel would look like from my class. I'm still not pretty sure which is the guys or the girls hostel. Anyone can go anywhere without the guard chasing you. The pak gad's pondok is just behind those two buildings from this point of view.

And as for this... to me its rather disappointing. It had been only once i played football here. The first week. Then now third week coming to fourth, haven't seen anyone played there ever since!
Usually the rest here would play some hoops. I'm not really into it so i'll skip tis. After all those years arguing and proposing to have a piece of land to play football when i was in the other institution, and here... just one nice place to play football but that chance seems to be taken for granted here....

Thats the entrance to my place. With the name Hamidah... kinda lame ei? Why cant they name it block B or just A or B or HG. Like those u see in the army camp on the sides of their flats...

Here's me door. And that's the rubbish bin where there was a cat which gave birth to pretty kittens in it. Thought of keeping and feeding the kittens but gawd dammit just few days back, i think someone took em all. Just hope they weren't dispose into the bigger bin or what.

This here, is the living room. Messy but it all right to me. Typical all-men sharing kinda enviroment...messy. Nope, no tv here. So its hard to catch up with the weekend football matches.. siGH..

That's the balcony where i would sit around the entire day. Especially my first 2 weeks here. I would sit here from 6 after class, then looking out till its like 9pm or 10pm. It can be tat boring and lonely. Especially at nites when there's nothing to do.. i would look out and wonder for hours whether i can stand it all and waiting when can i be deported out from here..

THE KITCHEN!! Simple but i like. Not much cooking utensils tho. i didnt expect that the hostel would end up like typical apartments. So hopefully the next time am heading back home i'd be more prepared with me kitchen thingy and do more serious cooking. hehehe

Lastly, my room. The bed with the purple bed sheet's mine. Dont mind the colour. Me and me folks did some last minute shopping. A day before we all left for sibu/mukah. That wardrobe IS NOT MINE! I dont go crazy sticking pictures of Good Charlotte on my walls. Or any posters. The pictures i have back home in my own room are Metallica and the Great Ryan Giggs. My wardrobe is far on the rite. It didnt fit into the photo. If i took pictures more on the left, you'd see more of my room mates posters of boy bands. eeeEEee... i dont like. But what to do kan? Hopefully i can get a room on my own next sem.

So i guess that's just about it. Not much here. If there's more i'll post it up when i want to. hehe

sibu

2008-09-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

Well,.... things aren't as bad as i thought it would be here. Lucky for me i've a cool housemate. He speaks proper english here so its easy for me to talk with him and ask him stuff. And surprisingly he knows Dawin. So this Dawin nang ArtissST lah! hehehe.

Class scheduale here are all fixed. 8 to 10 or 10 to 12. Then there's a lunch break 12 to 1. Then classes 1 to 3 and 3 to 5. So in one day i'll go for just 2 hours in the morn then another 2 hours in the afternoon. Then malam.....*siGH*... boring doOW... What more to say my weekends including fridays when i dont have classes. Damn... There's no internet connection (YET!) in my room and truly enough the DeconneXion memang cikai! So hopefully in a few weeks time or few days time, i'll get me laptop and an internet connection. Otherwise things will be so dull and.....lonely...

Good thing i DID survive another week. Manage to get myself familiar with the damn confusing Sibu roads here thanks to Musa Al Assum from Kanowit. He trusted me with the car and drove it around safely here as he went back to kuching last weekend.

Life here is kinda different way back home even though its just a few hours driving difference. People here speak anything but english. I wana try to speak Iban here also susah coz it sounds rather tounge twisting pun iban here so i sik brani la. My housemate speaks english and it does seems like his friends are slowly smiling and being friendly with me. So i do hope tis new group of friends can keep me company while i miss the ones at home.. especially my woman, my family, my fat cat, my kitten, my chicken (God knows what has happen to it), the messed up mafia family, my elders (Dennis, Broey, Heyward) my pc, my guitar and maybe some sweet sticks. hehehe.

So that's basicly how my life is here....DULL...

just one day....

2008-08-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

Massive may i say? The best? Memorable? Hard to explain la. That one night i go "pujok" people to come coz i only ask for one day jak was something truly special...

Rami oso people come bah. A number i didnt expect tat many to come and fill the house with noise, laughs, cigarette smell, bau muntah dale and the great Jerry Jumari Komemang Jerome. hehehehe. Luckily there was enough food and booze and hard drinks and soft drinks for everyone. At first, the early group nearly ate up all em' chicken wings very fast that i started to get a little bit worried, afraid that my other cousins, jewl, dawin, ryl and mon sik sempat wana makan. Nasib they came on time. Si Rez dah start wana makan skali gus.

so....
That nite kan, the very first casualty of hard solid liqour was beeb beeb. He was served an intoxicating mix of vodka, Tsing tao, lang kau and of course Ribena to sweeten things up. Then *sssppPPLOOSHHH!!*.... 9 p.m. Abis he muntah his drink. hehehe. One man down, more to go. But particularly, Jerry Jumari Komemang Jerome. This fella, cannot drink la. Everyone were served the same amount as the other. but funny, he cant catch up, and became the next casualty of Broey's Submarine. Killer drink.

The whole nite was making everyone present pissed drunk. then later that nite, was some what the serious session. the talk. the advises. despite the effects of alcohol, i still had meaningful things to say, and meaningful things to learn from me good lads. especially Allen Liong and my messed up mafia family and my elder Broey. it was nice to hear what were in their minds and hearts. some just slept the whole nite tru or watch england. i wanted to watch, but i think just for this one day jak, its time to open up and let them know how i feel and the shit am goin tru.
Good thing i went on with this bbq. Glad to hear everyone had great time. no matter what we all did, what happened. no matter what we TOOK or consumed. this nite was perfect...

Am Stereo

2008-08-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Tuck those waves,
behind your listener,
And let me see that smile behind em'
Like grand jades they are when i see
when you turn here facing at me
like a picture, bewitching me from the frame....

set my receivers to your frequency
may i hear that tune engaging
lift me up for tis time is pleasing....

catch me, grab me,
get a grip on me...
dont let me go..
i can sense hear your singing
coz am your stereo...

Ring the strings,
play them well,
Dont mind my intentions,
i just wana see you tune up well
There's no need for touch, blink or time,
Whatever it is this heart's not for sell..

tune my receivers to your frequency,
may i hear that tune engaging
lift me up for this time is pleasing...

catch me, grab me,
get a grip on me...
dont let me go..
i can sense hear your singing
coz am your stereo...

when i leave..

2008-07-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

After so many years, I have fallen again. Drop down, back to square one. It sucks emotionally knowing there’s a lot of fun being left behind. All the great accompanies and mischief I’ve enjoyed all these while will be put on halt. Especially my time with her. Yesterday was the day when I was officially a bum. Instead of being offered to do something so different I’d rather leave. So I quit rather than being kicked out to hold on to my pride and not be demoralized. Now am starting to wonder how things will go on when I move on. Dull? Empty? And how will she cope with all that nastiness at home when I cant be there to talk or be with her when she’s down? How can she find peace at home when I cant be there? Hw can she feel pampered and spoiled when I cant be there often? Then who is gona simply shoot in front of goal like Gerrard? Then who will fill in the goalkeeper part when no one else is willing? Then who will tease the other person more when there is no other crappy stuff to talk about? Then who will partner dale when there’s a jamming session? Then who will squeeze the other person’s butt or spank it every time during futsal? Then who will take care of my messed up mafia family? Who will play with my fat cat? Who will watch over my bird-brain chickens? Who will teach dawin “Am stereo”? Silly as it may sound like, but these are the little things I enjoy doing. Apart from the last part about spanking butts...

Am back!!

2008-06-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

Guess i can't stop myself from doing this kinda thing. maybe once in a while i'd have this mind block not knowing what to type. So here's my new one. Hopefully i dont cancel it off again. Or hopefully i dont lose my password anymore. You see, blogspot requires a very long password. At least eight letters. So here goes ....